The New World of Dating

I learned a lot of things lately about dating.  I guess things just change over time because lord I was in  for a big shocker after really listening and reading these things.

Apparently the smells that make men get a hard cock is Pumpkin pie & Lavender, but the interesting fragrances that make women Juicy Goosie is Good & plenty and Cucumber but also Banana Nut bread scored high.  Go figure that I would need candy and salad, and add a bit of a banana, and a dash of nuts to get my juices flowing. Well all good things comes with a couple of nuts. I wonder if the banana nut bread makes women think of a hard cock but who the hell knows. If he can just say something or give me that look or better yet growl at me and I get wet the heavens have opened up and the angels sing hallelujah.

There are some men who love a hairy woman where others like them waxed or shaved whichever. While I think this is a preference if he wanted me hairy it might be a deal breaker for me. Because I rather keep things clean and perfect. Lord I don’t want to him swinging from my arm pits or somewhere more disturbing.

So lets go on because there is so much more.

Don’t be a ageist. Well duh when you are getting up in the years I don’t expect a 18 year old sniffing around peeing on the side of my house. I like my men well seasoned and know what they are doing thank you. While young is good for eye candy, it never works out in real life to think that a relationship like that to last.

I agree with this, no sex before monogamy. But another thing is much bigger to me than anything else. That before you sleep with them you are in it for the same reasons. Never think that you both feel the same way unless its been said. There are some men who are and you can never guess how someone feels just by the physical attraction. If its a physical attraction then call a spade a spade but if you are in love and he isn’t you are walking into a brick wall over and over.

This one was definitely the one that made me laugh the hardest Hello Kitty doesn’t make a penis hard. snickers. Thank goodness hello kitty is something I see in a store and walk on by or else I would never see another penis in this life time.

Make sure your picker isn’t broken. That is not pecker… P I C K ER. Make sure you are picking the right guys that are age appropriate, some men are commitment phoebes, if you are dating a commitment phoebe than know that you signed up for that. Don’t complain.

The penis does the picking.

Don’t forget the 5 non negotiable. The 5 things that are a deal breaker for you aka as above the body hair and a few others that mean most to you. If the man or woman doesnt meet these 5 non then maybe you should move on. How about 4 out of 5 if one of the deal breakers is a little thing? God Now I’m really confused. Funny I had this conversation just today after reading a article about size matters to women. A deal breaker would be As long as I’m not digging in the pubic hair to find the penis when its hard and its big enough to get the job done I’m good. If its not then its a deal breaker.

Dating Etiquette, say please and thank you, you are a lady and he is a gentlemen. A gentleman will ask you for a weekend date by Wednesday. If he asks you out for the weekend on Thursday or later, the ladylike thing to do is to schedule no more than Sunday brunch with him. Or if he really needs to be taught a lesson, schedule a Monday night dinner. A lady will not allow a gentleman to make last minute plans, even if he tells her he loves a spontaneous girl. If you accept out of eagerness, he will feel you are too easy, and will move on to someone who makes him work harder. I guess we are not allowed to be hungry. If you are not sleeping with him you are making him work however maybe this is the rules now.

Thou Shalt not drink too much on the first date. Although it may be very tempting, in order to relax, drinking more than two alcoholic beverages could cloud your judgment. Stay clear and focused, and never allow yourself to become sloppy or drunk. Remember — two drink maximum!  Well today people tend to go to bars on their first date, so I don’t know how they do this. Have they said goodbye to one night stands? Thank goodness I don’t drink so I don’t have to worry about 2 drink max.

Thou Shalt not be a gold digger. Welcome to the world there are all over and they are bred not born.

They say you are not suppose to talk about your past relationships. I feel sometimes people have to talk about it, not on the first date but at some point, what if the man cheated on every person he ever been with, you can tell sleaze when you see it.

So basically making out, kissing, 1st and second base, throw you up against the wall tongue all down your throat, his hands up your skirt is ok as long as there is no sex. no blow jobs and back door is sex too! WOW I’d spend many frustrated nights before I could have sex after make out sessions like that. *mutters* Men fall in love with virtue not vagina’s.

Something I didn’t need to know or want to know, I learned is that men should push their balls forward in a pair of jeans so it doesn’t look like a salami, lord help us all.

This is only a few but damn maybe dating should come with a handbook! You never know you might be breaking one right now!